Begin gently. You may skip any question. This is a reflective self-inquiry tool, not a diagnosis or substitute for medical or mental-health care. You decide what feels useful to explore.
What happened, as neutrally as I can describe it? What activated me?
Did I justify, attack, blame, withdraw, perform calmness, please, control, or insist on being right?
What did I fear losing—respect, belonging, control, innocence, status, certainty, or a particular image of myself?
How might my response have affected the other person or situation, even if my intention was self-protection?
How can I acknowledge my feelings without making them the only authority on what happened?
What boundary, question, pause, repair, or honest statement could better reflect my values now?
A defense may once have helped you cope. You can honor its history without letting it govern every present encounter.